I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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