it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
