nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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