OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
