Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
