i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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