My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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