FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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