I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
