Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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