1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
