all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize