it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would fuck him just for his dog
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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