I think i peed on brittanys purse
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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