so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
