im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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