Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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