Midget sex pt 2 tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
