Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst