Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same