things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.