u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.