Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need a beard to bite.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
