So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
