Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
