Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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(248): View more from Michigan

THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

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(941): View more from Florida

You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face

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