Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
