i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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