Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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