Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
