I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
