i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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