Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
