This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
