she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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