I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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