Tell her she can't have a vagina
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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