I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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