Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
