I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
