T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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