Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Even my vagina gasped.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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