She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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