I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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