well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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