It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
