my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
