My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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