Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize