and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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