i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
