Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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