she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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