Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit