So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
