your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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