this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Randomize
