You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
