Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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