There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
