the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
