i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
