Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
